The 5:1 Magic Ratio = A Happy & Successful Relationship
From extensive research conducted over decades, John Gottman, Relationship Researcher and Expert from the Gottman Institute confirmed that not only the type of interactions within our relationships can determine how happy and fulfilling those relationships will be, but the frequency.
It reaffirms the notion that all successful relationships take effort and investment and that the more you choose to actively participate in the relationship, combined with a positive and respectful manner, the more likely you are going to feel better about the relationship. In turn, if your partner also works towards positive interactions this will increase the likelihood for a better, more fulfilling and loving relationship.
Our everyday interactions are determined by each partner in how they want to reach out and or respond to the other partner. Sometimes when we're tired, irritable and stressed, we may have a tendency to figuratively or physically turn away or turn against our partners in the moment. Our deeper thinking (or perhaps subconscious mind that we're not aware of) may interpret in an extremely short amount of time (often nano seconds) that we can treat our partner with indifference or by showing anger, frustration and or disdain, because we believe the love they have for us is unconditional, allowing us to be ourselves and therefore able to dish out whatever we're feeling in that moment. That is, they will accept this behaviour because they love us anyway.
This may be true in the beginning, but for many individuals however, over time, if this negative attitude and behaviour is continually directed and accepted, the person accepting this approach may begin to change how they feel about that person and about themselves, and over time, because they interpret this behaviour to mean "'they no longer love me', or 'they're just tolerating me', or 'they think I'm weak, or stupid', this in turn may make the receiver feel terrible about themselves and resentment may build.
Successful loving relationships are founded in the belief that by two people choosing to be together, they create a coupledom that allows each partner to feel loved, respected, safe and secure both physically and emotionally within the relationship. To ensure that these and other important relationship elements are maintained and reinforced on a regular basis the 5:1 Magic Ratio appears to be a ratio that enables these feelings to have longevity.
The 5:1 Magic Ratio is quite simple in it's concept: for every one negative interaction initiated from a partner, the impact this can have on the other partner can be ranging from sad and disappointed to devastating. To counteract its impact, it requires five positive interactions to take place for the affected partner to feel respected, safe and secure again.
This may seem simple, but the actuality of following through on this takes conscious genuine effort and requires self-awareness and a desire by that first partner to want to repair the damage that's been done to the other partner. It also takes a willingness to want to learn, try different approaches, actively listen, admit when we’re wrong and be vulnerable to developing new pathways of communicating and interacting with our partner. This can be tough when we’ve become experts in a certain pattern and style of meladaptive behaviour.
If you’re wondering how the 5:1 Magic Ratio can be achieved, book in for a Couple’s Therapy session with me and I can begin to help guide you in this beneficial technique.
