The Transition from School to Adulthood

So you’ve finished school and either taken on a new university course, or an apprenticeship, or started a new job and everything’s meant to be going great right? Accept you’re realising there’s a lot more to being an adult than anyone at school or home really told you about.

If it’s university or TAFE, trying to navigate how to decide which course is going to be right, than what subjects to do within the course and then how does the portal work; and then when you have a question to ask the lecturer (because you’re seriously not understanding what they’re lecturing) and you either don’t get a response, or it’s a very generic one, suddenly realising you have to work it out for yourself is daunting, (especially if you’re learning online and haven’t really met anyone (or anyone you can relate to!)).

If it’s an apprenticeship, realising you’re going to be relied upon to be at work everyday at 7am (or earlier) and not only do you have to do lots of heavy lifting, but you have to listen closely to what your new boss says, as he shows you and teaches you all these new skills. Plus you have to go to trade school a day or two a week which has theory you have to learn (which you thought you’d left back at school), so it’s a lot of pressure.

And starting a new full time job is also all intensive, as it’s often 8am-6pm these days that you’re expected to work (or longer) and learning who all these new people are, who you are going to be working with and then wondering what you’re actually going to be doing is not always communicated clearly. Navigating the new systems also takes time. And given you’re new, you might be reluctant to ask questions as you could be nervous that you might ask a silly question.

If you’re still living at home, many parents begin saying you need to start paying for things now you’re an adult, such as saving up for your first car, paying the car registration, car insurance, E-Tags (this one is often forgotten); contributing to food shopping and of course paying your monthly mobile bill. Then now you’re an adult, you want to have the independence to go out to cafes, restaurants, clubs and pubs and most parents aren’t going to pay for that. If you’re already living out of home then you’ve taken on even more responsibilities in addition to the above such as paying for utility bills such as gas, electricity and water, learning how to wash your own clothes, clean the house and at times maintain where you live, like learning how to change light bulbs, batteries for the fire alarm, calling a plumber because there’s a blocked pipe.

There’s so much more that could be covered, but I’m sure you’re recognising some of these extra responsibilities and it’s a big step from when you were in the routine of getting up, throwing on your school uniform, getting you’re school bag, grabbing something to eat for the day and off you go, knowing the school routine doesn’t fundamentally change.

For some of you, but not everyone, these extra pressures may feel quite overwhelming at times and if you start thinking negatively about them on a regular basis, this negative self-talk can begin to take on a lot more power in our minds, which can have a direct link to your mood. And a negative mood can be displayed in a variety of ways, such as lack of patience and tolerance with others, self-doubt, lack of confidence, panicking in situations that normally you wouldn’t, inability to either get to sleep or stay asleep, desire to get away from responsibilities or pressure, not completing tasks or assignments on time, becoming unreliable and a whole raft of other things.

With this added pressure, these symptoms can lead you to find ways of coping, but not necessarily positive, long term ways of copying and these can be reflected in your behaviours. Drinking in excessive amounts to what you normally may, taking drugs and continuing to take them because it gets you away from these worries, choosing to not eat in a healthy manner because it gives you control or it’s really satisfying, not wanting to communicate as clearly and openly with your family as you may have before, choosing not to socialise with your normal group of friends, or avoiding socialising as much as possible, crying more easily, over-reacting, over-analysing and getting angry over minor issues - these are just some of the negative behaviours that can result when you’re experiencing negative thoughts and feelings.

With support and focus through a counsellor, these behaviours, but also your thoughts and feelings can be talked about on your terms. The counsellor may ask questions about how a certain thought or feeling has come about and over time you may re-evaluate it, by learning to understand what is maintaining it in your mind, but also what triggers you. Verbally talking it through begins the therapeutic journey, because the audio aspect of hearing your thoughts out aloud, makes it more conscious and breaking that thought or feeling down can lead it to having less power over time. Realising how that’s leading you to make certain behavioural decisions, you may find you have an adjusted perspective and flexibility in your thinking and sometimes that’s all it takes is a small tweak. Other times it takes a bigger adjustment, that occurs over a longer period of time with support from your counsellor.

Research from Standford University has found that for every negative thought or feeling, it takes 3 positive thoughts to counteract that negative thought. As humans we have a natural tendency to be drawn to the negative, if we allow it. With that in mind as a first example, taking time to write down those negative thoughts and find 3 positive thoughts to challenge them can start to challenge the habit of negative thinking. It’s not easy and it doesn’t always get resolved in one session, but counselling is a journey of self-discovery which you might not realise at the time and it’s only when you reflect back that you can see the personal growth and insight you have gained about yourself.

If you feel like you’re struggling and need some support, give me a call - 0413 613 159 or consider the different counselling sessions I can offer you - face to face, online, phone or even text through my services page on my website. I offer a 15 minute free zoom session at the beginning so you can find out a little more about counselling if you haven’t had it before, ask any questions you might have and meet me personally.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Nerolie

Counselling Principal

passioncounselling.com.au